If I'm honest, I feel like I'm running out of stories.
I've had a couple of droughts in my life when I go on no dates and no prospects. These have lasted anywhere between two years to three and a half years. Yep. Three and a half years with no one to crush on. Sad.
The two year drought was about eight years ago. And it was over after I started college back up for my last year. That two year break made me feel more confident in a lot of ways, but definitely unsure of navigating the dating scene.
In one of my classes, there was a very cute young man. Mark. I usually arrived early to this class, and sat outside in the hallway and read or studied. I seemed to be more successful at doing those things when I was not at home. Mark started to come to class around the same time I did and we'd sit next to each other and talk. Talk about our day and other stuff. We'd sit next to each other in class and sometimes be in the same group. We even discovered that he knew my cousin. I thought—FATE! This is FATE!
Since it was a consistent thing, I discussed with my roommates and they convinced me that maybe he did like me. I waited until we didn't have class anymore. I emailed him during the Christmas break and then invited him to a party my roommates were having. He came.
Let me re-emphasize that: HE CAME!
I was shocked. And excited. And super nervous. Definitely not how I planned things.
And then, a couple of weeks later, I used our school directory and called him and asked him to do something on Friday. He already had plans. I suggested we could do something in the future. He said he'd call.
Mark never called.
I didn't have any other classes with him.
I never saw Mark again.
Back in the saddle? Nope. It took a little while longer.
And maybe that's why I'm sometimes so hesitant about "making the first move". I have a hard time distinguishing between when a guy wants to just be friends/be nice and when a guy is interested.
I've scoured the internet and let me tell you... the answers are ridiculous. The only good answer I get is from my SIL: "You just need more data. Keep gathering information."
So I gather... and gather... but then I have a bad habit of analyzing the gathering. Darn advanced degree that doesn't allow me to just gather.
So, if you have any conclusions as to how to tell whether or not a guy is interested or just being friendly—please hit me up in the comments. It's going to save me another round of embarrassment. (And one day, I'll compile my own list and share it here.)
Oh gosh, this is so hard. Some (lots of) guys flirt with EVERYONE and mean nothing by it. For others, working up the nerve to say "hi" is something they only reserve for someone they are really interested in. And then of course, there is everyone else who is in the middle. So hard, I think every girl gets burned by this.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking back on this and, for me I often did make "the first move." But, not because I was into them at the time. I would say hi to be polite, ask them to dance because I didn't have a partner or invite them to a group activity because the more the merrier! After hanging out with lots of guys as friends, the occasional date invite would come -and NEVER from who I was actually crushing on at the time. I remember one time someone I was crushing on asked me out (he was totally in your ward) and spent the ENTIRE date talking about how much he missed and wanted to marry a girl who was on a mission and how gratefully he was to have a friend like me he could talk to about how she broke his heart but he was going to win her back... doh! And, ouch.
When my husband first asked me out, he was someone in my dance class that I had asked to be my partner because I didn't want to be paired with someone shorter than me (the other available person at the time) and then later invited to a group activity because we wanted more people (he even brought a date to that activity). I wasn't into him when he asked me out, but he seemed nice and I thought it would at least be fun (we're still having fun).
Umm... so, I don't know? I think the best thing to do is try not to put your heart out there too much. Like someone, flirt, do your thing, but don't start to give your heart away until you are a few dates in - like we girls can even control that... Scratch it all - chocolate and Pride and Prejudice. That's what got me through dating. Lots of chocolate, and several different versions of Pride and Prejudice.
I wish I had a like button at this moment for your post.
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